| Should be studying but... |
[Jun. 6th, 2006|10:46 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  FINALS! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Books | ] |
Well, I'm over the guilt thing, but praise be to bad decisions, oh dear, oh dear.
Just for the record, I'm ridiculously happy here but tend to write when frustrated. Especially about boys. Or boy. To be exact.
Oh boy. |
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| Procrastination like what. |
[Apr. 22nd, 2006|08:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  procrastinator to the max | ] |
Stolen from Puja.
i have lived through 88 of these 155 things
Put numbers in the boxes instead of x's
(example: 1, 2, 3, 4, ...)
Repost as "I have lived through ___ of these 155 things. "
[1] I have read a lot of books.
[2] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[3] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[ ] I have been to Canada.
[4] I have been to Europe.
[5] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[6] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[7] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[8] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[9] I have played ping pong.
[10] I swam in the ocean.
[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[11] I have seen fireworks.
[ ] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I have almost drowned.
[12] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[13] I have listened to one CD over & over & over again.
[ ] I have had stitches.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[14] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
[15] I currently have a job.
[16] I have been ice skating.
[17] I have been rollerblading.
[18] I have fallen flat on my face.
[19] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[ ] I have punched someone
[20] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
[21] I have watched the power rangers.
[] I attend Church regularly.
[22] I have played truth or dare.
[23] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[24] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[25] I've called someone stupid. And meant it.
[26] I've been in a verbal argument.
[27] I've cried in school.
[ ] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ] I've played baseball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[ ] I've played soccer on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[ ] I've played softball on a team.
[ ] I've played volleyball on a team.
[28] I've played tennis on a team.
[] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[29] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[] I've climbed a rock wall.
[30] I've lost more than $20.
[31] I've called myself an idiot.
[32] I've called someone else an idiot.
[33] I've cried myself to sleep.
[34] I've had (or have) pets.
[ ] I've owned a spice girls CD.
[ ] I've owned a britney spears CD.
[ ] I've owned an N*Sync CD.
[ ] I've owned a backstreet boys CD
[ ] I've mooned someone.
[35] I've sworn at someone in authority.
[36] I've been in the newspaper.
[37] I've been on TV.
[ ] I've been to Hawaii.
[38] I've eaten sushi
[ ] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[39] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[40] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies
[41] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[ ] I have watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[42] I have watched loony toons.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
[43] I've been called a geek.
[44] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[45] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[ ] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[ ] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[ ] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[46] I've written poetry.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[47] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[48] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[ ] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[49] I've had/have siblings.
[50] I've been to a rock concert.
[51] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[52] I've been in a play.
[53] I've been picked last in gym class.
[ ] I've been picked first in gym class.
[54] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[55] I've cried in front of my friends.
[ ] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[ ] I've played Halo 2.
[ ] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[ ] I've been to Alaska.
[56] I've been to China.
[57] I've been to Spain.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[58] I've had a fight with someone on AIM
[59] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[60] I've had serious conversations on any IM.
[61] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[62] I've been forgiven.
[ ] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[63] I've cried in a chick flick.
[64] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[65] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I've been to a rap concert.
[ ] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[ ] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[ ] I've driven on the highway.
[ ] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day
[66] I've been in a car accident.
[67] I've been homesick.
[68] I've thrown up.
[ ] I've puked on someone.
[69] I've been horseback riding.
[ ] I've filled out more than 10 myspace surveys.
[70] I've spoken my mind in public.
[71] I've proven someone wrong.
[72] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[ ] I've broken a leg.
[ ] I've broken an arm.
[73] I've fallen off a swing.
[74] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight.
[75] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[ ] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[ ] I've lost my backpack.
[76] I've come close to dying.
[ ] I've seen someone die
[ ] I've known someone who has died.
[77] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[ ] I've done modeling.
[78] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[79] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[80] I've realized how good my life is.
[ ] I've counted my blessings.
[81] I've made fun of a classmate.
[82] I've been asked out by someone and I said no.
[ ] I've slapped someone in the face.
[ ] I've been skateboarding.
[83] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[84] I've lied to someone to their face.
[85] I've told a little white lie.
[86] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[ ] I've fainted.
[ ] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[ ] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[ ] I've been pushed into a pool.
[87] Been/are in love
[ ] I've been sky diving.
[88] I've graduated towards the top of my class.
[ ] I've watched every Star Wars movie
[ ] I've Driven/Ridden a motorcycle
whee. |
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| Hello, world. |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|02:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
My fingers are tingling & I don't know why.
I'm still alive, still contemplating love [& lack thereof]. Am confused. Perhaps in love with one boy but not the right one & for all the wrong reasons. He is too good for me & not good at all.
[I am still uneasy about opening up to people here, stopping my mouth at awkward moments & running away] |
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| crop circles in the carpet |
[Feb. 5th, 2006|03:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  working | ] |
| [ | music |
| | imogen heap ~ watch yourself | ] |
Today I am feeling very pale, hidden, waiting, chameleon in shades of off-white.
[i never know what to say, when to wrie - time passes by so quickly here, but i feel so unaccomplished. i have sold my soul to THE MAN in the form of sat tutoring, have started going to the gym, have an assload of chinese to continue learning, have an acapella arrangement hanging over my head, have to have to have to do a lot of stuff and start heading out places earlier because chicago folds upon itself once the clock strikes 8.]
And now to start studying for my chem midterm tomorrow. No, I have not opened my chem textbook all quarter, why do you ask?
[It's going to be a loooong night] |
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| uninspiration. |
[Jan. 5th, 2006|07:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
i am feeling uninspired & perhaps a bit disappointed in the arts in general, which is a bad thing, a very bad thing indeed. especially since i have to write a poem for the poetry workshop i prayed & prayed & prayed i would get into, but now i have nothing but a heart full of trapped feelings & a tongue like spilled milk [there's no use for the crying].
you spoke of transience like it was your creed
i was there when your fire went out. |
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| hellohello |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|11:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
It's time to start writing again, although... this journal has remained silent because I have felt uninspired, have been unable to feel. Moreover, the English language escapes me and sentences seem altogether too hard to write. Perhaps the new positioning of this computer has something to do with it - the television buzz is distracting, the monitor facing into the living room as if my now-sleeping father can watch my open-backed head to view my thoughts.
I will start writing again. My New Year resolution.
p.s. for the record, I am madly in love with my school and the people. However, I'm rethinking my high school years and have come to the realization that I'm starting to miss everybody, certain people more than others, yes, certain people very much more than others. Certain people who have affected me in tremendous ways and I am shamefully unable to thank them properly - are there words to thank them properly? I wish, I wish, I wish... |
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| Breathing on my own... |
[Oct. 21st, 2005|09:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Foo Fighters ~ Over the Mend | ] |
i am full of good Mediterranean food & not doing so hot in classes but that's ok because i feel loved & feeling loved is what life is about anyway.
i'm dying to read good poetry - i am feeling very cummings right now, something about the disjointedness of my brain, the shards of sense lines of punctuation make.
it has been too long since i've written, since i've been able to write. it seems i've sold what little skill i had for lazy complacency.
how are you? |
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| Such Great Heights |
[Oct. 19th, 2005|04:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  guilty | ] |
It's been a while.
Barely a month here and, on the whole, I've been enjoying myself but... I think I fucked up a friendship.
I'm gifted like that. |
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| By jove, I can't believe how much bloody stuff I have! |
[Sep. 13th, 2005|12:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hot | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ottawan ~ Hands Up | ] |
Well. As the departure date creeps closer and closer, I'm growing more and more anxious... mostly because I have so much left to PACK - odds and ends like cables and dresses and hair clips and fencing gear and such - and clean/organize (like my room) and study (like calc). By now, everyone else has gotten into the swing of things... and I haven't even begun. Whoo boy.
I do have some good news, rather, bits of good things that have happened when I'd decided to stop procrastinating. I found a bunch of old mp3s today from 7th or 8th grade and they were full of synthesized 80s goodness. I also drove for the first time EVER yesterday and managed to NOT KILL ANYTHING.
Heat makes me stupid. Good heavens, it's hot in here... |
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| Still ate'n't dead |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|10:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Josh Groban ~ Si Volvieras a Mi | ] |
//Cross-post... it is not meant to be bleak, but it is full of a pervading, indescribable feeling and I am regretting inaction. Have you ever felt this way?//
Lack of sleep brings on such a sickish feeling, a cross cross between headache and subliminal tantrum only worsened by heat and flushed breeze. Have I been reading too much Faulkner? I've been reading too much Faulkner - the urge to write in never-ending sentences full of pain and glory is overwhelming, except then I realize that I haven't written in so long, for anyone, for myself, that the nuances of language have been stolen away and I am unsure of when they will return.
I describe feelings to myself in images and smells and sounds; I cannot remember a time when words failed me so miserably. This heat, this oppressiveness, it is different than being silenced - it is silence because words have been forgotten, because I am unsure of how to string together syllables to create meaning.
Does that make sense?
I found myself rambling the other day, unable to come up with small talk, polite conversation, on the phone and in person with someone I have been desparate to see for so long. Something I needed to do to cut mindless, senseless connections to the past, to this place, I don't need ties like that when I've already severed the most painful parts. And yet, it has resolved itself, the muteness, the inability to seek closure, only because I find myself retreating into myself for lack of a better means of expression, only because I keep promising myself that it will be better come September.
And it will be better.
It's just that I have a hard time saying goodbye, especially when hello was never certain. If only this fanatic heart would stop beating.
Pre-college anxiety - anxiety alone, for that matter - has never suited me well. It feels like doors are closing, as if the tireless, invincible dreams I had as a child have come crumbling down because they are as unreachable as they are intangible.
What do you live for when your stars have gone out? |
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| Dripdripdrip... |
[Jul. 16th, 2005|11:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
I've not had any social interaction for the past week - real life, phone, internet, the works! - because of these !@#$!@%$@ allergies. I miss all of you and, yes, I will call when I can stop propping myself up with pills.
My arm hurts from the last of my hep b shots. Grr, pointy things!
Such a strange summer. The days are long and short in supply and I just keep on waiting for my purpose to arrive. All this time feels so undirected, so unproductive. Weekend tutoring job but unsure of a part time weekday job - what happens at job interviews anyway?
I still don't know how to drive.
Finances are a pain in the ass.
So many little worries.
Something feels unripe and unsteady and unwilling to let go of childhood and dip into the future.
I would write something long and reflective if only my sinuses would learn to relax... |
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| I've got the sneezies |
[Jul. 12th, 2005|04:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Queen ~ Under Pressure | ] |
China has made me sick. Burrow-under-the-covers-to-play-hide-and-seek-with-sneezes-and-sniffles sick.'
But China is lovely, even if we didn't stop by our hometown. Apparently our hometown, Xiamen, is home to one of two prettiest gardens or somesuch other pretty nature thing in China. However, I'm probably the prettiest human to the mosquitoes, given how many bites are now swelling and itchy all over my legs and visiting a pretty garden in Xiamen would send me into some sort of allergic shock.
Before I go rest again... How're your summers? |
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| Bored |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|11:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  predatory | ] |
http://www.machall.com/index.php?strip_id=334
Ahaha.
No, but really, I'm bored out of my mind. I'm about to embark upon a piano-playing marathon for the next week or so and I've just spent the morning watching The Might Ducks (HBO is bad for me) and doing some strength-training. I just saw some of my prom pictures and DAMN I'm fat... so I'll be working out and trying to un-fatify myself.
I was going to write something sentimental about school and graduating and life and junk but I got distracted by a pretty boy. Shh. =) |
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| Philosophy can wait |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|07:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sick | ] |
Oh Hana, I love procrastinating. Especially by means of books. =)
( Meme! )
I ate dinner in the middle of filling out that meme.
p.s. on account of poor physical health, I'm skipping the schooling tomorrow. |
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| My eyes feel like peeled grapes |
[May. 30th, 2005|08:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Seal ~ Touch | ] |
I've spent the past 3 days sleeping, shopping, sleeping, eating, and sleeping; I feel like a human hamster minus the cute fluffiness. Not to mention that, yes, my eyes do feel like peeled grapes a la too much Biosphere-editing and not enough mental capacity.
Tomorrow I get to be vain and go in for a "photoshoot" (heaven knows what's actually planned) and poetry rehearsal for World of Expression. Of course, I have to turn the, what, 20 minute ordeal into something huge and complicated because... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR. Someone shoot me for being shallow... =\
...and no matter how much you twist and turn the concept of graduating, I just can't seem to work up a sense of nostalgia for good ol' Hunter. What (rather, who) I will miss are my friends and seeing other things, like piano lessons, come to an end... but as for the institution, I have no feelings.
And now I think I'm going to fall asleep... Acccck... |
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| Huzzah! |
[May. 22nd, 2005|11:44 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Crystal Method ~ Bad Stone | ] |
My ipod is so incredibly sexy. Words can't even begin to describe it. Now I need a means of protecting my baby from scratches and drops and the like...
The crystal method always puts me in a good mood - in fact, the cd (well, ripped tracks) I'm listening to now was the very first cd I ever bought. It's funny how, in the process of hormonal rage and fury, certain aspects of my personality have been shaped by the boys I could never have; in this particular case, exploring techno was the direct result of one such boy admitting that he liked the propellerheads.
I was a silly child.
Nothing much to say except that the past week has been wonderful and that I am now the proud owner of a TITANIUM SPORK.
OH and my first name @uchicago.edu hadn't been taken as a viable email address, so voila! I claimed it!
Facebook me:
http://uchicago.thefacebook.com/profile.php?id=2906968 |
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| Shiny things! |
[May. 18th, 2005|11:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Josh Groban ~ Caruso | ] |
Even though the lotto ticket purchased on my birthday has not won me any money, I now have college money a la NMSC and World of Expression (first place! Oh my GOD!).
In short, oh hot hell yes.
Many good things happened these past 2 weeks, even with wild mood fluctuations; the fluctuations were, in fact, caused by the good things running into the old, bad parts of life. I'm looking forward to a fresh start and, on a semi-related note, decorating my dorm with Josh Groban posters galore.
Now to find Josh posters...
Also, I've decided that I'll start using this bloody lj more often, partially because of the newfound time on my hands but also because I miss people and I've been horrible at keeping in touch. Like, horrible with a capital H. Yarr! |
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| Procrastination, cha cha cha! |
[May. 14th, 2005|11:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | foo fighters ~ learn to fly | ] |
Work and life make my head go boom.
Stuck in a rut and unsure of where to go, what to do. Rather, the ups and downs of this week have been extreme and I cannot seem to motivate myself to undertake anything... |
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| For the sake of updating |
[Apr. 23rd, 2005|11:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Strokes ~ Trying Your Luck | ] |
The funny thing is, I really don't like the strokes, but I don't have the energy/willpower to change the selection on my playlist.
I refrain from writing because every day seems so surreal now - I keep sleeping, waking, expecting to find that the last few years have been a dream because that is what my life feels like... not good, not bad, not anything, just caught in stop-motion cinematography or maybe more like a silent black and white film. Words can't reach me where I've gone.
I could just be pining away for some semblance of love - it's so hard to write without feeling against bare-boned soul.
But yes, I've been stressing way too much [and it's second semester! What's wrong with me?] and reading too much, or rather, indulging too much in guilty pleasures [see http://www.videogamepianist.com - I surf entirely too much without purpose or reason. But he inspires me and makes me happy].
Without him, I feel as if I've bled the last of my life long ago; I need fun in my life, I need something but I'm not sure what. Days are precious and empty, beautiful and fragile like jewelled eggshells.
Also, I have no cw story and I'm going absolutely looney. If someone could offer a storyline, I'd be forever grateful... |
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fadedcliche's journal